Well, well, well… look who’s finally getting a taste of the accountability pie, and it’s not even served warm. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), a man who could slime his way through a Teflon factory and still come out greasy, is officially under investigation. Yes, you read that right. The man who thought it was perfectly acceptable to stand on the steps of the Supreme Court and threaten justices like a two-bit mob boss is finally facing the music. And spoiler alert: it’s not a tune he likes.
The Infamous Threat: A Masterclass in Stupidity
Let’s rewind to March 2020. While the rest of us were trying to figure out how to hoard toilet paper without looking suspicious, Chuck was busy channeling his inner Tony Soprano. Standing in front of the Supreme Court, Schumer boldly declared, “I want to tell you, Gorsuch. I want to tell you, Kavanaugh. You have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions.”
Now, call me old-fashioned, but when someone says, “you won’t know what hit you,” it usually involves either a threat or an impending slapstick pie fight. Unfortunately for Chuck, this wasn’t a comedy sketch—it was a sitting U.S. Senator openly threatening Supreme Court justices. Genius move, right? Because if there’s one thing we know about politics, it’s that nothing you say in public ever gets recorded, replayed, or dissected endlessly. Oh, wait…
The DOJ Wakes Up from Its Nap
Fast forward to 2025. It only took the Department of Justice, oh, five years to realize, “Hey, maybe threatening the highest court in the land isn’t exactly kosher.” Interim D.C. U.S. Attorney Ed Martin has now opened a preliminary investigation into Schumer’s comments. About time. I mean, what tipped them off? Was it the literal video evidence? The countless news articles? Or maybe someone at the DOJ finally Googled “Chuck Schumer threats” during their lunch break.
Martin even sent a formal letter to Schumer, which probably read something like, “Hey Chuck, remember that time you threatened the Supreme Court? Yeah, we’re gonna need to talk about that.”
The Art of the Non-Apology
Of course, Schumer tried to walk it back days later. He claimed he wasn’t threatening anyone; he was just “passionate.” Right. And when my neighbor’s kid screams, “I’m gonna destroy you!” during a Mario Kart game, I’m sure he’s just deeply passionate about kart racing strategy.
The real kicker? Schumer accused conservatives of “manufacturing outrage” over his comments. Oh, Chuck, we don’t need to manufacture anything. You provide the raw materials. All we do is point and laugh.
Justice Delayed, But Not Denied
Now, thanks to a DOJ that finally grew a spine, Schumer might actually face consequences. Acting Deputy Attorney General Emil Bove is cleaning house, firing prosecutors who spent years playing political games instead of doing their jobs. It’s like watching someone finally clean out their garage after a decade, only instead of old bikes and Christmas decorations, it’s corrupt bureaucrats.
Final Thoughts
Chuck Schumer, the man who thought he could say whatever he wanted without consequences, is now under investigation. It’s about time. Maybe, just maybe, politicians will learn that their words have weight—especially when those words sound like threats. But then again, expecting career politicians to learn lessons is like expecting a cat to do your taxes.
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JIMMY
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h/t: Steadfast and Loyal
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